|
[08 Mar 2008|06:11pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 crushed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
perfectly flawed----otep |
] |
i feel like the worst person to ever walk the planet. i couldnt sleep last night. i still cant eat. not only has this thing w/ sammie been the reason i can barely even talk today, but my friend jen is upset about me too. when krista and i had broken up me and jen started talking. and she knew i still wanted to be w/ krista...then they both stopped calling me. well, i didnt know how much jen liked me. she started talking to me about it bc i made her. she was in a shell all day. and i finally made her talk to me when we got back to my place. she started crying and i felt so horrible. i told her that im sorry. i really am. but she said if im happy then she cant do anything about it. and she said this is wat i must have felt like when i found out she had a boyfriend and i told her yah. i hugged her and then her mom showed up so she stopped crying. im such a fucking bitch. y do i keep hurting people. if lived my whole life trying to make others happy. not worrying about my happiness. i finally start to focus on my life for a few years and it turns out this is when i hurt the ones i love the most. y do i even bother? wats the point of this anymore? all i ever wanted was to be happy and to make others happiness possible...but im nothing but a worthless piece of shit.
|
|
|
[08 Mar 2008|09:10pm] |
|
to make things worse...my mom just told me my grandmother...the my dads mom...the one ive waited my whole life to meet. the one i look like....shes dying...y's all this have to happen at once. she told me she really really needs me to be okay and not cut myself bc she cant worry about, momma celya and my dad and me. i have to get outta here...i wanna be here for my dad but i dont know if i can handle him crying. wtf am i suppose to do?
|
|